This post is to honor a child born after miscarriage, stillbirth, or the passing of an infant for National Rainbow Baby Day, 2021.
Crazy Road to Motherhood
I love how a once crazy road to motherhood ends up not looking so crazy when the clouds part and the sun shines through. So often, we are focused on the storm, the winding road to motherhood, that we fail to notice how God is molding us into women of deeper faith and strength.
For the month of September I've been focused on rainbow stories from around the world. Often our road to motherhood looks nothing like the perfect fairy tales we watched when we were little girls. Yes, those magical stories left us feeling like princesses but they didn't prepare us for anything less than a perfect ending.
If you are still waiting for your rainbow, if you are still on this crazy, winding, sometimes painful road to motherhood, I hope you find comfort in the stories so graciously shared with me this month. I hope you can relate to at least one of these beautiful women from around the world.
Wendi, North Carolina
My Rainbow at 40
My husband and I never dreamed our journey to a baby would be so painful.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Our wedding was like a dream! A rainbow appeared right after we said our vows and we knew that was a blessing from our family members in heaven. Little did we know how special and meaningful that rainbow would be for us.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Thirteen months after saying our vows, we were pregnant! It was such a magical moment, until tragedy struck and our baby’s heart stopped beating around 8 weeks. We never even got to hear his little heart beat.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Then, after many failed attempts to get pregnant again, I tried acupuncture, we prayed, family prayed, friends & strangers prayed, and. . . 1 year and 10 months later, we were pregnant again (with our rainbow baby).⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ It was a fearful pregnancy. I was 40 at the time, considered a geriatric pregnancy, and high risk, but God saw us through every milestone and every single ultrasound.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Our beautiful and healthy baby boy was born August of 2019! We give God all the glory for our miracle!⠀⠀
“Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue. And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.” Katelynn – Yip Harburg
Natasha, Trinidad and Tobago
My Rainbow After Double Loss
I married the guy I knew from college in 2013. Our love story was so unexpected but we were so excited about our future. We knew we wanted kids soon but we were pleasantly surprised when we became pregnant after only 11 months.
Both my first and second pregnancies ended in miscarriage and for a while I thought maybe motherhood was not in my future. After our second loss, we changed doctors and I was diagnosed with Antiphosophate Lipid Syndrome.
When I became pregnant again, my doctor put me on bed rest and a daily dose of heparin. For close to 9 months I lived in fear of having another miscarriage. I prayed constantly, maintained a strict diet and took the heparin shot. The shot burned terribly and left awful marks on my skin but I did whatever it took.
I welcomed my rainbow daughter in 2015. After a difficult birth involving her umbilical being wrapped around her neck causing her to be born blue and sent to the NICU, we took our precious first born earth baby home. It was a whirlwind and just 7 months later we were pregnant with our pot of gold son. I went back on bed rest and heparin and continued to pray for my son.
I already considered myself a mother of two at this point. This pregnancy was a bit easier or maybe I just knew what to expect this time around. I'm blessed to say his birth was 3 hours from beginning to end. Holding my son for the first time I felt so much joy. These days life is super crazy with two school aged kids but I will never forget how blessed I am to be their mother.
If you are in the midst of loss, I want to encourage you to keep praying, keep hoping for your rainbow. But most importantly, I pray that you find joy even as you wait. There is life after loss and it can be beautiful.
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. ― Dolly Parton
Natasha, Northern New York
My Non-Traditional Rainbows
We had a miscarriage two years into marriage, while we were praying desperately for a baby while battling infertility. When years passed afterward without another pregnancy, we decided to move toward adoption.
We planned to adopt an older child and were initially matched with a little girl but went through a devastating failed adoption instead of bringing her home.
I had now lost two children and countless dreams of children and my heart was crushed. I felt like motherhood was out of reach and I was trying to trust God with a future that didn't include the children I'd always wanted.
We decided to take a break from pursuing adoption, but our names ended up staying on a list that I'd forgotten about and through a whole series of miracles, God brought us a forever-daughter 9 months after our failed adoption.
She was 8 years old but she was my 1st rainbow baby. The first brilliant glimpse of God working behind the scenes to build a family from splintered pieces.
We were in process to adopt a newborn infant the next year, but our next daughter was born too early and never left the hospital. Once again, we buried hopes and dreams and our sweet baby.
And then a year later we brought home an adopted son, our 2nd rainbow baby. He was 8 years old too, and once again God showed His kindness & goodness to our family.
We had exhausted our resources at this point, with four sets of adoption paperwork completed and two children brought home.
A Miracle
And then, almost 12 years into marriage & infertility, I found myself unable to get over a stomach bug that had gone through our house.
It turned out that God had a 3rd rainbow baby for us-- this one coming the traditional way.
Our littlest girl came into our family last year, breaking my barrenness & surprising our family & bringing shouts of joy to a subject that had so long carried sadness.
Rainbow babies can look traditional, or maybe they'll arrive half grown, or maybe your rainbow isn't a baby at all. Don't miss your rainbows, friends, just because they look different. Don't miss God's presence in the sorrow, His heart for you in the quiet, or His plan working through the brokenness of your story to bring hope and life.
Today we have two teenagers and a 10 month old baby, and they are each part of the fulfillment of God's promises to me.
None of my journey to motherhood looked ANYTHING like I expected, but it's brilliant.
“You are the rainbow that adds colors to my gray skies.” – Avijeet Das
Crystal, South Australia
Our Rainbow Story Continued from @Road2Motherhood
Our Son
My whole life all I wanted to be was a mother. I met my husband in 2010 and by 2016 we were married. We fell pregnant with our son on our honeymoon… we had no problem getting pregnant… or staying pregnant! It was a very easy pregnancy and I loved every minute of it.
On July 2017 I gave birth to my happy and healthy son Archer. He turned two and we decided it was time to give him a baby brother or sister. Once again I got pregnant right away without any issues.
I took a number of pregnancy test unable to believe how lucky we were… Excited, I booked the doctors appointment to get a blood test and confirm all the positive home test. We were over the moon excited and at 5 weeks we booked a dating scan. In the scan I could see a tiny little baby in a sac but there was no heartbeat.
The doctor said it was still early and the baby might not have formed a heart yet. I didn’t worry about it and just kept on pressing on… enjoying every day as a normal pregnancy. I was suffering from a little morning sickness everyday but nothing out of the ordinary.
Miscarriage
My next appointment wasn’t till my 12-week scan so I went to a midwife appointment at 10 weeks. I was so excited knowing it was only 2 more weeks till I could share the exciting news with my friends and family. I did over an hours’ worth of paperwork with the midwife.
Towards the end of my appointment the doctor popped his head into the room to see how I was doing. I don’t know what made me ask but I requested he do a scan on me that day… He pulled out the portable scanner and put it to my stomach. I looked at the screen and looked at him. Straight away I knew something was wrong because there was still no heartbeat and the baby was the same size as 5 weeks prior.
From there I went to get another scan and blood test. They all showed I had a miscarriage. From there I went home hoping the baby would pass naturally but a week later I was still carrying this tiny little baby.
Next Steps
Then I went back to the doctor to discuss options to pass the baby. I recalled there was a surgical way or a tablet. My choice was the tablet - that way I could grieve on my way at home...
I went home and took the medication...
a few hours later I started getting cramps and bleeding. Over the next few hours were spent on the bathroom floor crying in pain and hurting inside and out.
Coping
I spent the next few months depressed and hating myself. There were so many dark days and was pushing everyone away. I would find myself crying day-in and day-out over the smallest things and getting so angry over everything. Slowly, I started getting back to my normal self and found out I was pregnant. Keeping it to myself I booked an appointment to see my doctor for a 5 weeks appointment but never made it - I didn't show up.
Maybe our third try we would get lucky but I didn't let myself get excited. I just went on day by day enjoying the unknown. Too scared to test, I ignored the fact that I never got my period. I waited another month. Still no period. I finally took a test and it came back positive. I was not excited at all.
My body was just full of fear.
Hope
I booked an appointment knowing if I was pregnant I would be at least 8 weeks along. The doctor didn't even request blood he immediately pulled out the portable scanner. He put it on my belly and had the biggest smile.
He said there is a heart beat and there is the baby...
I just laid there and cried.
4 weeks later I went to my 12 week scan and everything went perfect. I had the best pregnancy and gave birth to my little girl, Indie, in May 2020.
“Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there's no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic.” Laini Taylor
More True Stories from Around the World
I hope whatever crazy twist and turns your road to motherhood has put you through, that you never stop walking! Don't give up and know there is a large community of women rooting for you. Sometimes hearing a hopeful story is the little push you need to keep the faith. Thank you Wendi, Natasha, Natasha, and Crystal for parting the clouds and shining the light on a woman's storm. More inspirational rainbow baby stories can be found on my Instagram.
This post is to honor a child born after miscarriage, stillbirth, or the passing of an infant for National Rainbow Baby Day, 2021.